Soccer Drama Mama

Soccer. What a wonderful sport. I started playing when I was 5 and it became an outlet, an escape throughout my early year, teens, and early adult years. When it came time for Caia to choose a sport this fall she chose soccer. I realized there may be some sense of expectation I might have, looking into the future of her hypothetical soccer career and mistakingly planning her future to be the same as mine. I soon let that go. I wavered on where to sign her up. There are a lot of options around the midwest. The local community league, churches, "faith" based organizations, indoor facilities. I chose the local community rec program and signed her up. I soon recieved information that there were not enough spots for C and 11 other girls, and if I or another parent didn't take initiative and become a head coach my child, and 11 others, wouldn't be playing this fall. Talk about pulling at the good ol' heart strings. I paused, for a few days, waiting to hear that someone else stepped up. I signed C up so she could have another adult she could look to for guidance, expanding her experiences, and this one was to be without mom! I could watch on the sidelines, help her practice individually, and maybe help the coach out. But nothing. So I took a deep breath and spoke up.

So here we are a couple of months later. Today we had our 2nd game. I'm still numb from the stress of today. C is a very strong willed child. One that is constantly tapping her toe over the line, somtimes even leaping over it with a vicious look on her face. Okay. that last part was an exaggeration, but that is how it feels sometimes, today anyways. As a parent, I know we all have a "bad day." Struggling to find our own center, let alone trying to positively guide a young child along a peaceful path. In our league the teams are divided onto two fields, playing simultaneously. Each field has a coach. The first half was horrible. I coached on the aggressive field where C was going to play on the nonaggressive side. The game started and about 5 minutes in, Caia is standing on the sidelines looking at me screaming. I mean screaming and crying. It was a scene. I finally had to get a parent to go onto the field so I could be there for her to calm down, which happened. Then it was half-time and she played the second half, as long as I was on her field. These are the questions I have that surface...boy is my ego floating right now.

Does this experience reflect the fact that C is not going to kindergarten like all of the other girls? Would things have been different had we chosen to send her to school?
My husbands "favorite" question - What is wrong with her?
Is there something wrong with her?

Let me clarify for you. I am not an "easy" parent. I don't take sass and defiance. Perhaps I scream too much. Perhaps I threaten one too many times. So after the past day I am making further resolve. I am resolving to

•  Take more time for meditation.
• Take more time for physical activity aka stress relief.
• Make a list of "Family Rules" and encourage the children to tell me what those rules of respect are.
• Continue with the routine that is working well for us.
• Follow through, no threats, no more counting to 3.

I know I am doing the best I can. I know she is doing the best she can. I love how we are both doing the best we can. I love how we are all doing the best we can. And the best we can is always evolving. Thank God for change. Tomorrow is a new day.